Saturday, May 31, 2003
(i know kung fu)
or at least i would, if i was in the matrix and the operator could upload it in the blink of an eye. nonetheless. i am listening to ozomatli with candles in my room and brianne has just gone to bed. today was summer and relentless heat; chai tea and music remind me of america. we had another martini day today...apparently we were being retro without realising it; we're the epitome of cool, it seems.
and we went to see the matrix again. i was not disappointed, although i am asking more questions now than the wachowski brothers had time to answer. i am with chris on this: i want absolute truth. and we reckon this time something is different - "real" is surely real and not another matrix. maybe the architect is lying, and maybe the oracle is more than just a program. we shall see, come november. bring it on...
still. i am thinking now, about causality. because although i do not believe this causality is the only constant, i do think choices have consequences. the trick is balance: silence the woody allen sitting on your shoulder, and learn to be content in the choices you have made. and the choices you will make. rejoice in the fact that you are not in control. and marvel at the truth that this does not mean you are hurtling toward some irreversible fate that cannot be changed; the fact that God knows already what you choose does not lessen the importance of that choice. celebrate your free will. and ask for the wisdom to use that free will responsibly, to His glory.
i am finally at room temperature; it is one ayh emm and it is cool at last.
malin head ... south east ... four ... mist ... 1010 ... falling slowly
peace.
or at least i would, if i was in the matrix and the operator could upload it in the blink of an eye. nonetheless. i am listening to ozomatli with candles in my room and brianne has just gone to bed. today was summer and relentless heat; chai tea and music remind me of america. we had another martini day today...apparently we were being retro without realising it; we're the epitome of cool, it seems.
and we went to see the matrix again. i was not disappointed, although i am asking more questions now than the wachowski brothers had time to answer. i am with chris on this: i want absolute truth. and we reckon this time something is different - "real" is surely real and not another matrix. maybe the architect is lying, and maybe the oracle is more than just a program. we shall see, come november. bring it on...
still. i am thinking now, about causality. because although i do not believe this causality is the only constant, i do think choices have consequences. the trick is balance: silence the woody allen sitting on your shoulder, and learn to be content in the choices you have made. and the choices you will make. rejoice in the fact that you are not in control. and marvel at the truth that this does not mean you are hurtling toward some irreversible fate that cannot be changed; the fact that God knows already what you choose does not lessen the importance of that choice. celebrate your free will. and ask for the wisdom to use that free will responsibly, to His glory.
i am finally at room temperature; it is one ayh emm and it is cool at last.
malin head ... south east ... four ... mist ... 1010 ... falling slowly
peace.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
(and the living is easy...)
martinis and sunshine. strawberries by the lake. blissful, blissful sunshine and reading on the grass. we played cheat (unsuccessfully) and watched the people around us.
keele in early summer. is there anywhere else i'd rather be?
martinis and sunshine. strawberries by the lake. blissful, blissful sunshine and reading on the grass. we played cheat (unsuccessfully) and watched the people around us.
keele in early summer. is there anywhere else i'd rather be?
(it must have been hard...and it must have been good...it must have been nice to be understood...it must have been fun...cause you must have been loved...you must have been beautiful)
tonight i'm thinking about my family. how we've all rubbed off on each other...how alike we are, and yet how different we tend to be. how i can tell my sisters anything...how i can have fun with my parents. what kind of a 21-year-old am i?!
and my grandma. at eighty, she can make it from belfast to washington d c on her own. she still eats pizza and skittles with me. she drinks whiskey and loves the films of her youth. we drink wine together and she tells stories. stories of her youth; of love; of palestine; stories of people she has met and people she has loved. there is so much i will never know about her. i discovered that she dreamed of being a teacher, but that her mother chose finances instead of dreams. so at fourteen she started her first job; an assistant in a fruit shop. her eyes are full of memory; places and people dance across her vision as she speaks. she has lived through times of war and times of plenty. she lost a fiancée and later, a husband. she married a protestant in a land where mixed marriages are frowned upon. now and again, when i watch her, i can see the beauty she once was, but the beauty of her character is always evident.
i am so privileged. and i take so much for granted. she has inspired me; i make my own choices, and then i worry whether they are the right ones. i have earned a degree, and yet i lie awake at night wondering whether i will be employed come september.
contemplating the responsibility of choices. still, faith and belief are lighting up my mind. sparks hiding out in the corners.
i chat to jill in northern ireland; today is the first day since her wedding that she has not seen her husband. even on msn i can tell her heart is breaking...when everything feels wrong without someone...when they are in africa and you can't talk to them...and although i cried when she told me this, i am kicked in the gut by the thought that i have no idea how she feels.
tonight i'm thinking about my family. how we've all rubbed off on each other...how alike we are, and yet how different we tend to be. how i can tell my sisters anything...how i can have fun with my parents. what kind of a 21-year-old am i?!
and my grandma. at eighty, she can make it from belfast to washington d c on her own. she still eats pizza and skittles with me. she drinks whiskey and loves the films of her youth. we drink wine together and she tells stories. stories of her youth; of love; of palestine; stories of people she has met and people she has loved. there is so much i will never know about her. i discovered that she dreamed of being a teacher, but that her mother chose finances instead of dreams. so at fourteen she started her first job; an assistant in a fruit shop. her eyes are full of memory; places and people dance across her vision as she speaks. she has lived through times of war and times of plenty. she lost a fiancée and later, a husband. she married a protestant in a land where mixed marriages are frowned upon. now and again, when i watch her, i can see the beauty she once was, but the beauty of her character is always evident.
i am so privileged. and i take so much for granted. she has inspired me; i make my own choices, and then i worry whether they are the right ones. i have earned a degree, and yet i lie awake at night wondering whether i will be employed come september.
contemplating the responsibility of choices. still, faith and belief are lighting up my mind. sparks hiding out in the corners.
i chat to jill in northern ireland; today is the first day since her wedding that she has not seen her husband. even on msn i can tell her heart is breaking...when everything feels wrong without someone...when they are in africa and you can't talk to them...and although i cried when she told me this, i am kicked in the gut by the thought that i have no idea how she feels.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
(not chocolate but sugar)
and i am back in keele listening to half-term kids outside the window. propping myself up with coffee and laughter. playing boggle to keep myself awake.
thirty sleepless hours lie between d c and me...already last week recedes into a blur of monuments and coffee houses; good wine and laughter and hours spent reading. we drove to baltimore in the rain (i will never go on the beltway again...unless i'm in a truck which can potentially run over other cars?!)...barbecued and mingled. visited cedar ridge and experienced community. saw the endless stretches of graves in arlington. i wonder if, in the fight for Freedom and Equality and Democracy, the west has become blinded like the justice outside london's high court. our kind of freedomequalityjustice for peoples and nations who are not familiar with our patterns of living. who do not agree with our greed and our consumerism, and who cannot fathom our atheism.
we are imperialistic by nature. and as i wandered arlington with my grandma who has lived through war, and my sister who personifies conflict avoidance, my eyes could not take in the numbers of families that would never be the same again. the families whose lineage ended in arlington, in conflicts they may or may not have believed in.
in such times as these...arlington holds lessons and memories. the more i hear the more i think we're missing the lessons. and by the time my generation starts to believe and begins to attempt to determine decisions safeguarding its future, it will be too late. the stage is set. the behaviour patterns are laid and overlaid by each generation; few of us know how to care, or how to negotiate.
the twisted smile of irony: we are the future.
and i am back in keele listening to half-term kids outside the window. propping myself up with coffee and laughter. playing boggle to keep myself awake.
thirty sleepless hours lie between d c and me...already last week recedes into a blur of monuments and coffee houses; good wine and laughter and hours spent reading. we drove to baltimore in the rain (i will never go on the beltway again...unless i'm in a truck which can potentially run over other cars?!)...barbecued and mingled. visited cedar ridge and experienced community. saw the endless stretches of graves in arlington. i wonder if, in the fight for Freedom and Equality and Democracy, the west has become blinded like the justice outside london's high court. our kind of freedomequalityjustice for peoples and nations who are not familiar with our patterns of living. who do not agree with our greed and our consumerism, and who cannot fathom our atheism.
we are imperialistic by nature. and as i wandered arlington with my grandma who has lived through war, and my sister who personifies conflict avoidance, my eyes could not take in the numbers of families that would never be the same again. the families whose lineage ended in arlington, in conflicts they may or may not have believed in.
in such times as these...arlington holds lessons and memories. the more i hear the more i think we're missing the lessons. and by the time my generation starts to believe and begins to attempt to determine decisions safeguarding its future, it will be too late. the stage is set. the behaviour patterns are laid and overlaid by each generation; few of us know how to care, or how to negotiate.
the twisted smile of irony: we are the future.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
(fat kids are difficult to kidnap)
so.
i have seen the matrix...and opinions will be forthcoming. all afternoon i have plagued catherine with questions. "but what if...? and if this is true, then what does this mean?". she rolls her eyes now, when i say..."but...what if...".
truth. causality. and reason. logic, overtaken by emotion. what is emotion? what is real? and if 'real' is actually the matrix, then where does that leave us?
i am still not sure. but i believe; the answers are coming. soon, we shall see...the expectation of church hangs heavy in the air. and of this too, i shall write. later. when the words come.
so.
i have seen the matrix...and opinions will be forthcoming. all afternoon i have plagued catherine with questions. "but what if...? and if this is true, then what does this mean?". she rolls her eyes now, when i say..."but...what if...".
truth. causality. and reason. logic, overtaken by emotion. what is emotion? what is real? and if 'real' is actually the matrix, then where does that leave us?
i am still not sure. but i believe; the answers are coming. soon, we shall see...the expectation of church hangs heavy in the air. and of this too, i shall write. later. when the words come.
Friday, May 23, 2003
(even the sirens are different)
sirens are not the only thing. the rhythm and rhyme of life...the pace and focus are unfamiliar. however, it's a little addictive. at the mall yesterday, i accidentally called the car park the parking lot. i'm not sure i like what that says about me. four coffees later my sentences all sound like questions...here goes nothin'. so...difference. plenty of it, if alan is to be believed. we are all people, though. we all have stories. in georgetown today i watched...and wondered...and grew stories in my head.
if i'd known that it would be the last time i saw you, i would have said so many more things...i would have looked at you, with more than my eyes. i would have remembered the way your smile lights up your face. the way your laughter dances in your eyes. i would have stood closer, and i would take your hand and i would smile at your soul. when i got off the train, had i known, i would have brushed your cheek with mine and kissed you. but i didn't know, and i remained silent because i do not know how to give myself a voice.
sirens are not the only thing. the rhythm and rhyme of life...the pace and focus are unfamiliar. however, it's a little addictive. at the mall yesterday, i accidentally called the car park the parking lot. i'm not sure i like what that says about me. four coffees later my sentences all sound like questions...here goes nothin'. so...difference. plenty of it, if alan is to be believed. we are all people, though. we all have stories. in georgetown today i watched...and wondered...and grew stories in my head.
if i'd known that it would be the last time i saw you, i would have said so many more things...i would have looked at you, with more than my eyes. i would have remembered the way your smile lights up your face. the way your laughter dances in your eyes. i would have stood closer, and i would take your hand and i would smile at your soul. when i got off the train, had i known, i would have brushed your cheek with mine and kissed you. but i didn't know, and i remained silent because i do not know how to give myself a voice.
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
(here...in america...)
so i am here...in washington dc...after all the dreaming and wondering and waiting-for-todays. and it is a beautiful thing. today as catherine and i went into the centre on the metro she took my hand and said "i'm so glad you came". and i replied "i'm gladgladglad i did too...". we beamed and people-watched and were comfortable in each others silences.
as i watched the people on the metro i suddenly began to pray...for all of these, God's children. and the same feeling came over me today that i felt on the underground in london on the way to heathrow...
God is bigger than i can ever imagine.
and He loves His people individually and intimately and though i may never see their accomplishments and failures He does and loves them all the more for it.
i am on the other side of the world...three thousand careful miles from home. and i am finding joy in unexpected places. chilling out with my sister and grandma. watching tara make brownies. walking in the sun along capitol hill. resting my feet on the cool marble steps of abraham lincoln. drinking red wine and phonecalls to friends. there is a part of me that longs for permanence and another that says "keep moving. be free". i'm not sure who to listen to...not sure what to do. i am sure i want to be a woman of destiny...i want to live out God's will. and i'm praying prayers for hope. for faith. for vision and unselfishness. that i will be grace-filled...lifted. joy-full. shining light.
i am smiling at you. looking out at planes in a dark virginia sky...hearing a silent house and the hum of air-conditioning. wondering what tomorrow will bring.
i'm believing in great things.
so i am here...in washington dc...after all the dreaming and wondering and waiting-for-todays. and it is a beautiful thing. today as catherine and i went into the centre on the metro she took my hand and said "i'm so glad you came". and i replied "i'm gladgladglad i did too...". we beamed and people-watched and were comfortable in each others silences.
as i watched the people on the metro i suddenly began to pray...for all of these, God's children. and the same feeling came over me today that i felt on the underground in london on the way to heathrow...
God is bigger than i can ever imagine.
and He loves His people individually and intimately and though i may never see their accomplishments and failures He does and loves them all the more for it.
i am on the other side of the world...three thousand careful miles from home. and i am finding joy in unexpected places. chilling out with my sister and grandma. watching tara make brownies. walking in the sun along capitol hill. resting my feet on the cool marble steps of abraham lincoln. drinking red wine and phonecalls to friends. there is a part of me that longs for permanence and another that says "keep moving. be free". i'm not sure who to listen to...not sure what to do. i am sure i want to be a woman of destiny...i want to live out God's will. and i'm praying prayers for hope. for faith. for vision and unselfishness. that i will be grace-filled...lifted. joy-full. shining light.
i am smiling at you. looking out at planes in a dark virginia sky...hearing a silent house and the hum of air-conditioning. wondering what tomorrow will bring.
i'm believing in great things.
Saturday, May 17, 2003
(fragments)
rain on the window. an amazing sunset. boz scaggs on the radio and footsteps outside my window. wine, chocolate and the big read. folding laundry still warm from the tumble dryer. three identikit guys in identikit tshirts walking exactly the same way (towards the bar). laughter and smoke and a knot of anticipation somewhere near my stomach.
fragments of my saturday evening.
rain on the window. an amazing sunset. boz scaggs on the radio and footsteps outside my window. wine, chocolate and the big read. folding laundry still warm from the tumble dryer. three identikit guys in identikit tshirts walking exactly the same way (towards the bar). laughter and smoke and a knot of anticipation somewhere near my stomach.
fragments of my saturday evening.
(the word you wanted was aluminium)
it is stormy tonight. static blurs and fizzes on my radio, and the sun sinks in a blaze of angelbeams and purple clouds. we are all headachey and the sky brings another shower as i run to the laundrette. pondering a world and a nation. listening to adam duritz tell stories; longing for that kind of vulnerability.
when you open up your wings to speak, i wish you'd let me in...
tonight as i read the news, i'm not sure what to think. the world seems far away
but i am not worried, i am not overly concerned...
we continue.
it is stormy tonight. static blurs and fizzes on my radio, and the sun sinks in a blaze of angelbeams and purple clouds. we are all headachey and the sky brings another shower as i run to the laundrette. pondering a world and a nation. listening to adam duritz tell stories; longing for that kind of vulnerability.
when you open up your wings to speak, i wish you'd let me in...
tonight as i read the news, i'm not sure what to think. the world seems far away
but i am not worried, i am not overly concerned...
we continue.
(colour moving and still)
there is a bird on my window. i think it thinks there's a home there somewhere...i'm not so sure...there was a struggle a while back (i was the only observer) and i think the window won. for now. i am reminded of the joys of spring. birds nesting in rooves (roofs?). the rainshowers no-one seems to expect but are a daily occurrence. sunshine never quite breaking through the clouds. (i am talking about the weather, brianne...what does that tell you?!)
the rain continues its' slow steady drizzle...i scan my previous thoughts...and i marvel at how quickly i have forgotten the stress already...obscured by something, not quite joy, but relief and anticipation (america) and expectation (misguided? we shall soon see). straining not overthink.
suddenly, i am smiling. i am finally sleeping at night. i have finished coastliners. i am listening to the rain outside...i am watching creation be refreshed. grace-filled. contemplating a gospel of moments.
calmness in my soul (p t l)...
there is a bird on my window. i think it thinks there's a home there somewhere...i'm not so sure...there was a struggle a while back (i was the only observer) and i think the window won. for now. i am reminded of the joys of spring. birds nesting in rooves (roofs?). the rainshowers no-one seems to expect but are a daily occurrence. sunshine never quite breaking through the clouds. (i am talking about the weather, brianne...what does that tell you?!)
the rain continues its' slow steady drizzle...i scan my previous thoughts...and i marvel at how quickly i have forgotten the stress already...obscured by something, not quite joy, but relief and anticipation (america) and expectation (misguided? we shall soon see). straining not overthink.
suddenly, i am smiling. i am finally sleeping at night. i have finished coastliners. i am listening to the rain outside...i am watching creation be refreshed. grace-filled. contemplating a gospel of moments.
calmness in my soul (p t l)...
Thursday, May 15, 2003
(with no-one around)
for the first time in a while i'm on my own...with my trusty laptop...my rosie thomas cd...red wine and a good book (coastliners)...
i wish i had my own words instead of other peoples'...but she sings it much better than i can right now.
i'm going to get on the highway with no destination
but plenty of vision in mind
i'm going to drive to the ocean...blow kisses to venus and mars
i'm going to be carefree and let nothing pass me by ever again
you may always be changing your mind...just push hard for the finish line...
for the first time in a while i'm on my own...with my trusty laptop...my rosie thomas cd...red wine and a good book (coastliners)...
i wish i had my own words instead of other peoples'...but she sings it much better than i can right now.
i'm going to get on the highway with no destination
but plenty of vision in mind
i'm going to drive to the ocean...blow kisses to venus and mars
i'm going to be carefree and let nothing pass me by ever again
you may always be changing your mind...just push hard for the finish line...
(the other side)
and so it is done. finished. all i have been longing for is...here. do you want to know how it feels?
i cannot tell you how it feels, because it is everything and nothing at once. it is tangible and paper thin. here and not here. i have written the last exam i am ever going to write. i have drunk baileys in the bar with my friends. i have reminisced. i have wasted time guilt free. i'm not sure what i was expecting...
and i'm not sure how to feel.
i am testament to God's grace and a lot of coffee. but i think it's grace that wins in the end...
and so it is done. finished. all i have been longing for is...here. do you want to know how it feels?
i cannot tell you how it feels, because it is everything and nothing at once. it is tangible and paper thin. here and not here. i have written the last exam i am ever going to write. i have drunk baileys in the bar with my friends. i have reminisced. i have wasted time guilt free. i'm not sure what i was expecting...
and i'm not sure how to feel.
i am testament to God's grace and a lot of coffee. but i think it's grace that wins in the end...
(dawn rising)
this morning i saw the sunrise...the brightness, the clear blue sky, and the incredible newness of the day. summer in the air. today; clean, no mistakes yet. it was an amazing feeling...the first coffee of the day was just how it should be...early morning conversations (why did you stay up all night, andy!?)...the glorious feeling of trusting my God...He will not abandon me...i am in His hands especially when in that exam hall.
so...one more exam to go...four little hours...the finish line.
see you on the other side...
this morning i saw the sunrise...the brightness, the clear blue sky, and the incredible newness of the day. summer in the air. today; clean, no mistakes yet. it was an amazing feeling...the first coffee of the day was just how it should be...early morning conversations (why did you stay up all night, andy!?)...the glorious feeling of trusting my God...He will not abandon me...i am in His hands especially when in that exam hall.
so...one more exam to go...four little hours...the finish line.
see you on the other side...
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
(thirty nine steps)
steps, or hours, until this finish line. the notes blur, my head aches and i wonder if it's all worth it in the end. still, as i mentally answer essay questions, and as i highlight like a mutant, i am struck by some sort of realisation...
i actually like learning.
and somehow i care about politics, although i am still trying to figure out why. still. someday, i shall discover what to do with all my care...for now,
quick, somebody talk me out of doing a masters...
steps, or hours, until this finish line. the notes blur, my head aches and i wonder if it's all worth it in the end. still, as i mentally answer essay questions, and as i highlight like a mutant, i am struck by some sort of realisation...
i actually like learning.
and somehow i care about politics, although i am still trying to figure out why. still. someday, i shall discover what to do with all my care...for now,
quick, somebody talk me out of doing a masters...
Saturday, May 10, 2003
(is there a search running?...it has already begun...)
i ran a google search tonight on turkey's accession to the EU...[love that international politics degree...yeah]...
but the really interesting thing is, i unearthed a plethora of articles on kosovo. i remember kosovo...writing in my journal with tears running down my face as blair stood outside number ten and talked gravely of Western Ideals like Justice and Human Rights and What Is Best For The Kosovan People. i wonder if he believed it himself...and i remember watching clinton on the news, justifying nato action and talking of Sacrifices Worth Making...i remember seeing the airstrikes the cluster bombs the daisy cutters the refugees weeping at the border. how comfortable we are...we've got so adept at burying our heads in the sand. we forgot kosovo so quickly...will we treat iraq with the same attitude? i wonder...
i listen to music of the past
and think how quickly it is we forget.
i ran a google search tonight on turkey's accession to the EU...[love that international politics degree...yeah]...
but the really interesting thing is, i unearthed a plethora of articles on kosovo. i remember kosovo...writing in my journal with tears running down my face as blair stood outside number ten and talked gravely of Western Ideals like Justice and Human Rights and What Is Best For The Kosovan People. i wonder if he believed it himself...and i remember watching clinton on the news, justifying nato action and talking of Sacrifices Worth Making...i remember seeing the airstrikes the cluster bombs the daisy cutters the refugees weeping at the border. how comfortable we are...we've got so adept at burying our heads in the sand. we forgot kosovo so quickly...will we treat iraq with the same attitude? i wonder...
i listen to music of the past
and think how quickly it is we forget.
(the dust of the loved and the beautiful)
maybe the rains washed the dust away...whatever the case, colours are brighter today than they have been for a long time...the air clearer. hope-full. the birds busier and noisier, as though it were dawn.
i discovered a card i bought a long time ago
"okay, life's a fact,
people DO fall in love,
people DO belong to each other,
because that's the only chance
anybody's got for real happiness"
breakfast at tiffanys
maybe the rains washed the dust away...whatever the case, colours are brighter today than they have been for a long time...the air clearer. hope-full. the birds busier and noisier, as though it were dawn.
i discovered a card i bought a long time ago
"okay, life's a fact,
people DO fall in love,
people DO belong to each other,
because that's the only chance
anybody's got for real happiness"
breakfast at tiffanys
Friday, May 09, 2003
(fridays)
fridays are amazing things...the weekend is here...and for an evening i am forgetting about work and revision...i'm drinking good red wine and chilling out with friends...if brianne and rachel dancing around the flat manically can be described as chilling...i'm not sure it can...to be honest...
so...good night, and enjoy fridays.
fridays are amazing things...the weekend is here...and for an evening i am forgetting about work and revision...i'm drinking good red wine and chilling out with friends...if brianne and rachel dancing around the flat manically can be described as chilling...i'm not sure it can...to be honest...
so...good night, and enjoy fridays.
Thursday, May 08, 2003
(this is the air i breathe)
...clean and fresh with a hint of salt on the breeze (how does God know when i need the sea so much?)...i walked out to the bridge again...decompressed...made aeroplanes in the clouds...marvelled at the beauty of the sky...watched the moon and the first star (first year astronomy didn't teach me what it was...but i fancy it was the north star)...
the world is surely beautiful...
we need to see it more often.
and i sang, because God is good.
...clean and fresh with a hint of salt on the breeze (how does God know when i need the sea so much?)...i walked out to the bridge again...decompressed...made aeroplanes in the clouds...marvelled at the beauty of the sky...watched the moon and the first star (first year astronomy didn't teach me what it was...but i fancy it was the north star)...
the world is surely beautiful...
we need to see it more often.
and i sang, because God is good.
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
(ninja cow)
friend chris has a theory about cows...most people, it must be said (with the notable exceptions of brianne and chris) think cows are dull...and boring...and just sit around all day eating and stuff...well. anthony's theory of the ninja cow goes as follows:
cows are secret ninjas. and the only reason they laze around most days eating grass and stuff is because at night, they don their ninja bandanas and sally forth into the wild blue yonder, to do ninja things (i'm a girl...i don't know...). and when james bond is on holiday, or unavailable, or doing whatever it is james bond does on his days off, those in need (or those in the know) call the cows.
but between you and me?
i think chris has been working too hard...
friend chris has a theory about cows...most people, it must be said (with the notable exceptions of brianne and chris) think cows are dull...and boring...and just sit around all day eating and stuff...well. anthony's theory of the ninja cow goes as follows:
cows are secret ninjas. and the only reason they laze around most days eating grass and stuff is because at night, they don their ninja bandanas and sally forth into the wild blue yonder, to do ninja things (i'm a girl...i don't know...). and when james bond is on holiday, or unavailable, or doing whatever it is james bond does on his days off, those in need (or those in the know) call the cows.
but between you and me?
i think chris has been working too hard...
Monday, May 05, 2003
(back to nature)
tonight, i got a little closer to nature than i wanted to...or as close as my obviously-urban-dweller flip flops would allow...out on the bridge, i think the birds thought it was dawn and they sang their bird-shaped hearts out...on past the fields dodging the bats (who were a lot closer than i would have liked) and thus i watched the sky lose the last of its colour...
i sang, of sweet Jesus my lifeline...i sang the simplest of all love songs...i looked out into the clouds that reminded me of home, and at the lights of wales in the distance...i breathed fresh air and i was overwhelmed by grace...though i am not deserving of love, i am loved everlastingly...with a love that is not fickle and unsteady...
i am loved. and i know i am a child of grace...
this is the air i breathe. grace-filled. kissed by heaven. wherever my Father is, i am home.
tonight, i got a little closer to nature than i wanted to...or as close as my obviously-urban-dweller flip flops would allow...out on the bridge, i think the birds thought it was dawn and they sang their bird-shaped hearts out...on past the fields dodging the bats (who were a lot closer than i would have liked) and thus i watched the sky lose the last of its colour...
i sang, of sweet Jesus my lifeline...i sang the simplest of all love songs...i looked out into the clouds that reminded me of home, and at the lights of wales in the distance...i breathed fresh air and i was overwhelmed by grace...though i am not deserving of love, i am loved everlastingly...with a love that is not fickle and unsteady...
i am loved. and i know i am a child of grace...
this is the air i breathe. grace-filled. kissed by heaven. wherever my Father is, i am home.
(moby again)
i am listening to moby again...
and i know it's exam time...maybe someday i'll listen to this and love it...maybe i'll sit in the sunshine with a glass of wine and revel in the memories it conjures.
or maybe, it will always make me think of exams, and i will never love moby again.
maybe.
i am listening to moby again...
and i know it's exam time...maybe someday i'll listen to this and love it...maybe i'll sit in the sunshine with a glass of wine and revel in the memories it conjures.
or maybe, it will always make me think of exams, and i will never love moby again.
maybe.
Sunday, May 04, 2003
(it's going to be like my wedding day)
"now you, brothers, like isaac, are children of promise..."
a late night, and the flat is asleep...an acoustic mixture of iain archer and rosie thomas is getting me through...and this is my promise song...and you need to hear it too.
but go quietly, because the flatmates are sleeping...
i've got my car all packed with cassette tapes, and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes
i'm gonna drive through the hills
put my hand out the window and
sing til i run out of words
i'm going to get on the highway with no destination
but plenty of vision in mind
i'm going to drive to the ocean...blow kisses to venus and mars
i'm going to be carefree and let nothing pass me by ever again
bring on the wonder...[thanks jude]
"now you, brothers, like isaac, are children of promise..."
a late night, and the flat is asleep...an acoustic mixture of iain archer and rosie thomas is getting me through...and this is my promise song...and you need to hear it too.
but go quietly, because the flatmates are sleeping...
i've got my car all packed with cassette tapes, and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes
i'm gonna drive through the hills
put my hand out the window and
sing til i run out of words
i'm going to get on the highway with no destination
but plenty of vision in mind
i'm going to drive to the ocean...blow kisses to venus and mars
i'm going to be carefree and let nothing pass me by ever again
bring on the wonder...[thanks jude]
(the stereophonics are on the radio)
...and i can finally smile about the way things used to be...somewhere along the way, all the right things started to happen; it could all have been so different. i could have stayed in northern ireland...developed my tunnel vision...been somebody's girlfriend...made a few different mistakes...
made a lot more mistakes...
but somehow, it all worked out okay...all worked out great...
i am where i'm supposed to be. and i can smile about the way it was, or might have been. but i'm glad i'm here.
...and i can finally smile about the way things used to be...somewhere along the way, all the right things started to happen; it could all have been so different. i could have stayed in northern ireland...developed my tunnel vision...been somebody's girlfriend...made a few different mistakes...
made a lot more mistakes...
but somehow, it all worked out okay...all worked out great...
i am where i'm supposed to be. and i can smile about the way it was, or might have been. but i'm glad i'm here.
(another day wastes away)
...in a blur of early mornings and coffee and church and lunch and coffee...somehow, it is seven pee emm, and i have got nothing done...
this does not bode well. the more i think about concentrating the more i daydream...and then i worry about the future...i worry about seeming to be further away from where i thought i wanted to be...i'm not entirely sure i know what i mean...today is a day of i'm not sures...of rejoicing and of worry...i think there's a big leap of faith i need to take...and i'm a little afraid...
so i keep working, and writing, and i think...i shall try to avoid thinking......too much.
...in a blur of early mornings and coffee and church and lunch and coffee...somehow, it is seven pee emm, and i have got nothing done...
this does not bode well. the more i think about concentrating the more i daydream...and then i worry about the future...i worry about seeming to be further away from where i thought i wanted to be...i'm not entirely sure i know what i mean...today is a day of i'm not sures...of rejoicing and of worry...i think there's a big leap of faith i need to take...and i'm a little afraid...
so i keep working, and writing, and i think...i shall try to avoid thinking......too much.
Friday, May 02, 2003
(i'd rather see the world from another angle)
the united states has a problem solving, materialistic culture, currently characterised by a crisis mentality, high levels of anxiety and an unrealistic ability to eliminate risk...over time, a major element in the u.s response to international terrorism will be a psychological adjustment in the mindset of the average american, learning to live with a more reasonable understanding of the risks of terrorism.
audrey kurth cronin
tonight as i read copious amounts of information and opinion about america...the symbol that is 9/11...american foreign policy...america and 'the world'...i wonder...who is right. i wonder how to decide what is the truth among this spin...i wonder...which axis of evil will be next?
according to the new international
pnac (project for a new american century) thinkers have developed what they call the democratic domino theory in which, after the occupations of iraq, the nations of iran, syria, saudi arabia, then lebanon and the plo, and finally sudan, libya, yemen and somalia will capitulate, collapse or face u.s military action...other countries named as potential targets include oil-producing venezuela, where the bush administration endorsed a failed coup to depose the left-wing chavez last year, north korea, and, some say, china...
so, tonight i am thinking politically. wondering if one day, there will be a world worth saving. wondering about grace...wondering where God wants me in the midst of all this...
and i was thinking that it might do some good
if we robbed the cynics and took all their food...
that way what they believe will have taken place,
and we'll give it to everybody who has some faith...
spread your wings...be challenged...be changed...
the united states has a problem solving, materialistic culture, currently characterised by a crisis mentality, high levels of anxiety and an unrealistic ability to eliminate risk...over time, a major element in the u.s response to international terrorism will be a psychological adjustment in the mindset of the average american, learning to live with a more reasonable understanding of the risks of terrorism.
audrey kurth cronin
tonight as i read copious amounts of information and opinion about america...the symbol that is 9/11...american foreign policy...america and 'the world'...i wonder...who is right. i wonder how to decide what is the truth among this spin...i wonder...which axis of evil will be next?
according to the new international
pnac (project for a new american century) thinkers have developed what they call the democratic domino theory in which, after the occupations of iraq, the nations of iran, syria, saudi arabia, then lebanon and the plo, and finally sudan, libya, yemen and somalia will capitulate, collapse or face u.s military action...other countries named as potential targets include oil-producing venezuela, where the bush administration endorsed a failed coup to depose the left-wing chavez last year, north korea, and, some say, china...
so, tonight i am thinking politically. wondering if one day, there will be a world worth saving. wondering about grace...wondering where God wants me in the midst of all this...
and i was thinking that it might do some good
if we robbed the cynics and took all their food...
that way what they believe will have taken place,
and we'll give it to everybody who has some faith...
spread your wings...be challenged...be changed...
(no new email messages)
four of the most depressing words in any reviser's vocabulary.
you know what i mean...
four of the most depressing words in any reviser's vocabulary.
you know what i mean...
(the test is over)
just checking...hello? hello? one two one two...
*taps microphone*
just checking...hello? hello? one two one two...
*taps microphone*
(roosevelt's four freedoms)
this morning, i am infinitely thankful for the freedom of expression, the freedom of speech, and freedom to write in my blog. i am also thankful for rachel's marvellous pink pills which sadly have not begun to alleviate my stomach pain yet.
this is the part of being a girl that i hate...
this morning, i am infinitely thankful for the freedom of expression, the freedom of speech, and freedom to write in my blog. i am also thankful for rachel's marvellous pink pills which sadly have not begun to alleviate my stomach pain yet.
this is the part of being a girl that i hate...
Thursday, May 01, 2003
(hold My hand)
with my back to the window, the noise of the wind through the trees is almost like the sea...i look at the photographs on my wall...cushendun and tullagh bay and malin...the sea in a still frame.
hootie and the blowfish remind me to trust in God...that i'm not alone...that we can figure this out together. and as i'm listening, there are stories in my mind...each song as a soundtrack...love, and homecomings, and sadness and the landscapes that make a nation...
i'm listening.
with my back to the window, the noise of the wind through the trees is almost like the sea...i look at the photographs on my wall...cushendun and tullagh bay and malin...the sea in a still frame.
hootie and the blowfish remind me to trust in God...that i'm not alone...that we can figure this out together. and as i'm listening, there are stories in my mind...each song as a soundtrack...love, and homecomings, and sadness and the landscapes that make a nation...
i'm listening.
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