Monday, June 30, 2003
(this is what you get)
i am listening to thousands of people sing with radiohead...glastonbury is on the radio. so maybe radiohead is overrated but the song right now (it might be called i lost myself) has that undefinable quality...that spark that keeps you listening...that catch in a singer's voice that sends messages all over your brain : keep listening.
there is cheering.
so. this made me smile today. i want to tell these people
it's called praying....and God even has conversations with you.
imagine that.
i am listening to thousands of people sing with radiohead...glastonbury is on the radio. so maybe radiohead is overrated but the song right now (it might be called i lost myself) has that undefinable quality...that spark that keeps you listening...that catch in a singer's voice that sends messages all over your brain : keep listening.
there is cheering.
so. this made me smile today. i want to tell these people
it's called praying....and God even has conversations with you.
imagine that.
(a brief history of blogsville)
the world wide web is endless.
it will suck you in, and one thing will lead to another, and you'll end up on your own in a quiet flat not fully comprehending that time has passed, but boy, are you hungry...
madness, i say. all madness.
the world wide web is endless.
it will suck you in, and one thing will lead to another, and you'll end up on your own in a quiet flat not fully comprehending that time has passed, but boy, are you hungry...
madness, i say. all madness.
(love's as strong as death)
today, i have mostly
- watched glastonbury on tv until a ridiculous hour of the morning
- drunk more coffee than i think is healthy
- got completely soaked while walking to work in torrential rain
- been stuck in the same place doing the same thing in wet clothes
- laughed and laughed with fadzai at the stephen hawkings/jim carrey thing
- not collected my amazon delivery
- walked home with julie lee on my cd player singing along loudly
- not cared what people thought of me (very liberating)
- realised that love is as strong as death...it's jealousy unyielding as the grave...it burns like a blazing fire...like a mighty flame...many waters cannot quench love...many rivers cannot wash it away
- not even begun to imagine how amazing God is
...bosch.
today, i have mostly
- watched glastonbury on tv until a ridiculous hour of the morning
- drunk more coffee than i think is healthy
- got completely soaked while walking to work in torrential rain
- been stuck in the same place doing the same thing in wet clothes
- laughed and laughed with fadzai at the stephen hawkings/jim carrey thing
- not collected my amazon delivery
- walked home with julie lee on my cd player singing along loudly
- not cared what people thought of me (very liberating)
- realised that love is as strong as death...it's jealousy unyielding as the grave...it burns like a blazing fire...like a mighty flame...many waters cannot quench love...many rivers cannot wash it away
- not even begun to imagine how amazing God is
...bosch.
Sunday, June 29, 2003
(back then she really wasn't that crazy)
we even had our own showing of x men 2.
very, very cool.
we even had our own showing of x men 2.
very, very cool.
Saturday, June 28, 2003
(that must be her sister, right? they go into the seven eleven and i keep walking)
a weekend spent in the company of men and of angels...decisions have been made, and dreams are beng realised. i have looked at my-list-of-things-i-absolutely-want-to-achieve-before-i-get-to-heaven...and i am setting about developing into my dreams.
and on the subject of sisters...
mine is now engaged (belated, sarah, i know i'm sorry kiss kiss) and planning a wedding. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm getting a little more excited everyday.
i'm feeling much more certain today; certain of myself and where i want to be. alan was right: i need to get off my ass and realise my dreams.
so...i'm getting there.
a little more each day.
a weekend spent in the company of men and of angels...decisions have been made, and dreams are beng realised. i have looked at my-list-of-things-i-absolutely-want-to-achieve-before-i-get-to-heaven...and i am setting about developing into my dreams.
and on the subject of sisters...
mine is now engaged (belated, sarah, i know i'm sorry kiss kiss) and planning a wedding. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm getting a little more excited everyday.
i'm feeling much more certain today; certain of myself and where i want to be. alan was right: i need to get off my ass and realise my dreams.
so...i'm getting there.
a little more each day.
(mr darcy...i am quite undone...)
today was car journeys and pemberly; guitar music and almost sunshine and walking. lunch started off secluded and ended up surrounded by reconditioned volkswagons and a community of volkswagon owners. surreal and funny and memorable...we debated throwing andy in the lake and re-enacting pride and prejudice...but decided against it. sweeping through the main house in the wake of tour groups and hyperactive children, and trying to avoid the disapproving eyes of national trust workers. i sat in each room and wondered what the walls could tell me. i wondered what the pictures had seen, and whether they would remember the girl who sat and breathed in, one june day. i thought of the joy and the sadness and tears and laughter each room had seen. and in the gardens we wandered and ate strawberries. found a bridge and a cage. went a-wandering across unchartered territory.
and there was even a courtyard.
time will tell me what my decisions mean. for now, i am happy to drink my coffee and rediscover my dreams.
today was car journeys and pemberly; guitar music and almost sunshine and walking. lunch started off secluded and ended up surrounded by reconditioned volkswagons and a community of volkswagon owners. surreal and funny and memorable...we debated throwing andy in the lake and re-enacting pride and prejudice...but decided against it. sweeping through the main house in the wake of tour groups and hyperactive children, and trying to avoid the disapproving eyes of national trust workers. i sat in each room and wondered what the walls could tell me. i wondered what the pictures had seen, and whether they would remember the girl who sat and breathed in, one june day. i thought of the joy and the sadness and tears and laughter each room had seen. and in the gardens we wandered and ate strawberries. found a bridge and a cage. went a-wandering across unchartered territory.
and there was even a courtyard.
time will tell me what my decisions mean. for now, i am happy to drink my coffee and rediscover my dreams.
Friday, June 27, 2003
(and it rained frogs)
we have watched magnolia. rachel is puzzled. brianne is laughing. andy and me are explaining.
and then the frogs came down.
so...we are all human; interlinked and hope-full. consequences and choices. details. we all have stories to tell, and it seems there is no coincidence.
we are all human; we are all crazy and we all have a need to be loved.
we all have within a capacity to love.
we have watched magnolia. rachel is puzzled. brianne is laughing. andy and me are explaining.
and then the frogs came down.
so...we are all human; interlinked and hope-full. consequences and choices. details. we all have stories to tell, and it seems there is no coincidence.
we are all human; we are all crazy and we all have a need to be loved.
we all have within a capacity to love.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
(feeling the heat)
last night i wrote real words on real paper with a real fountain pen. i began a new journal in a book with an angel on the cover. i'm hoping that this is somehow significant; who knows, these days. i had not written - and i mean properly written words with tears and smiles and reality in them - for weeks. distracted by exams and america and working. however. last night this ended, and i wrote instead of typing.
i'm still hoping for a reply.
i can hear cricket on simon's radio, and the sun is suddenly covered by clouds. it is summer, at last, and i have lists to make.
last night i wrote real words on real paper with a real fountain pen. i began a new journal in a book with an angel on the cover. i'm hoping that this is somehow significant; who knows, these days. i had not written - and i mean properly written words with tears and smiles and reality in them - for weeks. distracted by exams and america and working. however. last night this ended, and i wrote instead of typing.
i'm still hoping for a reply.
i can hear cricket on simon's radio, and the sun is suddenly covered by clouds. it is summer, at last, and i have lists to make.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
(searching for something clever to say)
another day, another dollar...a somewhat distracted me, today...i am making lists all over the place, things to do, people to see, things i want to say before it is too late. listening to the white stripes. drinking wine in the bar with amy. i caught sight of myself in the mirror and was not alarmed. this is unusual and good and i want it to last. we talked of shoes and hair appointments and leg waxings and graduation. the decisions we need to make, and the people we have to leave; this will not be easy.
today was the the first day of my post harry potter existence...
captivated, intrigued, annoyed...satisfied that i have finished, but longing already for the next installment. mourning and loss. i stayed up too late, and worked on autopilot; i hope those letters make it to india. each time i look at a file, or mail a letter or update records, i think: this person has a life, and a story. they sit in the sun and they eat with friends and they are alive. and it amazes me that the world is so big; there are so many people i will never meet, so many more who will never meet me. i wonder. about the people i see on paper. sometimes there are passport photos, the same head and shoulders shot that catches them unawares and makes them look scared, or angry, or permanently surprised. they each have a story, and i am curious to know what that is. what are their favourite things? what makes them cry? who are their loves? what do they dream of? what have they never told anyone else?
or maybe i'm just really nosy.
still. this is why we write online, i guess. so that people will know our story, and we will feel understood and maybe even loved. so we can leave something of ourselves, letters in the sand for other people to read and marvel at and take in. we leave our favourite things and our loves and our dreams, and maybe even our fears, and we are understood. maybe even loved.
another day, another dollar...a somewhat distracted me, today...i am making lists all over the place, things to do, people to see, things i want to say before it is too late. listening to the white stripes. drinking wine in the bar with amy. i caught sight of myself in the mirror and was not alarmed. this is unusual and good and i want it to last. we talked of shoes and hair appointments and leg waxings and graduation. the decisions we need to make, and the people we have to leave; this will not be easy.
today was the the first day of my post harry potter existence...
captivated, intrigued, annoyed...satisfied that i have finished, but longing already for the next installment. mourning and loss. i stayed up too late, and worked on autopilot; i hope those letters make it to india. each time i look at a file, or mail a letter or update records, i think: this person has a life, and a story. they sit in the sun and they eat with friends and they are alive. and it amazes me that the world is so big; there are so many people i will never meet, so many more who will never meet me. i wonder. about the people i see on paper. sometimes there are passport photos, the same head and shoulders shot that catches them unawares and makes them look scared, or angry, or permanently surprised. they each have a story, and i am curious to know what that is. what are their favourite things? what makes them cry? who are their loves? what do they dream of? what have they never told anyone else?
or maybe i'm just really nosy.
still. this is why we write online, i guess. so that people will know our story, and we will feel understood and maybe even loved. so we can leave something of ourselves, letters in the sand for other people to read and marvel at and take in. we leave our favourite things and our loves and our dreams, and maybe even our fears, and we are understood. maybe even loved.
Monday, June 23, 2003
(way beyond the blue)
when you read a good book, a great book, you are lost to the world. people can talk at you, and loud unexplained noises can happen outside, but you will remain unmoved. everything else, apart from the book in your hands, moves to the periphery of your conscience, and you inhabit the dreamworld of the book. you are in the thick of everything.
so it is with harry potter and me.
i am captivated, and intrigued, and annoyed. i am physically restraining myself from reading the last page. however, i want the whole truth to come out of left field and take me completely by surprise.
and when i come to myself and put down my book, i feel restless in my own skin, contained somehow. i'm not sure why or how, and i know i have work in the morning; but i won't be content until i finish it.
when you read a good book, a great book, you are lost to the world. people can talk at you, and loud unexplained noises can happen outside, but you will remain unmoved. everything else, apart from the book in your hands, moves to the periphery of your conscience, and you inhabit the dreamworld of the book. you are in the thick of everything.
so it is with harry potter and me.
i am captivated, and intrigued, and annoyed. i am physically restraining myself from reading the last page. however, i want the whole truth to come out of left field and take me completely by surprise.
and when i come to myself and put down my book, i feel restless in my own skin, contained somehow. i'm not sure why or how, and i know i have work in the morning; but i won't be content until i finish it.
Sunday, June 22, 2003
(we still and always want waking)
i am a serious person. i sort of like this about me; i think i got most of the sensible genes in my family. every once in a while, though, when i'm tired, i will be silly and make glasses from my hands. i will eat toasties and icecream at random times of the day. i will spend two hours reading this when i should be working on my cv. still. there will be time. we have spent today drinking coffee and sleeping; talking about the future and living by faith. i have wondered, and listened and read annie dillard.
why does death so catch us by surprise, and why love? we still and always want waking. if we are reading for these things, why would anyone read books with advertising slogans and brand names in them? why would anyone write such books? we should mass half-dressed in long lines like tribesmen and shake gourds at each other, to wake up; instead we watch television and miss the show.
she continues
something more will arise for later, something better. these things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. you open your safe and find ashes.
presently, i want to be at home, ireland home; a right-this-second longing. suddenly there are tears in my eyes, and i want to feel the sea in my hair and see my parents' joy when they see me and walk on the cool sand of the north coast. but i know i will not do anything so spontaneous as booking a flight for tomorrow. i will put on over the rhine, and i will go to work and come home again. i will drink too much red wine and realise i do not have a wedding to look forward to. i will work, and sleep, and graduate, and then i will see ireland and all that it means. once i get there, i will not want to stay too long; duration might change me, or change it, and i'm not sure about the future.
what a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be...Lord knows, we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy...and i use these words pretty loosely...there's so much more to life than words...there is a me you would not recognise there...call it the shadow of myself...and if the music starts before i get there...dance without me...you dance so gracefully...
i am a serious person. i sort of like this about me; i think i got most of the sensible genes in my family. every once in a while, though, when i'm tired, i will be silly and make glasses from my hands. i will eat toasties and icecream at random times of the day. i will spend two hours reading this when i should be working on my cv. still. there will be time. we have spent today drinking coffee and sleeping; talking about the future and living by faith. i have wondered, and listened and read annie dillard.
why does death so catch us by surprise, and why love? we still and always want waking. if we are reading for these things, why would anyone read books with advertising slogans and brand names in them? why would anyone write such books? we should mass half-dressed in long lines like tribesmen and shake gourds at each other, to wake up; instead we watch television and miss the show.
she continues
something more will arise for later, something better. these things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. you open your safe and find ashes.
presently, i want to be at home, ireland home; a right-this-second longing. suddenly there are tears in my eyes, and i want to feel the sea in my hair and see my parents' joy when they see me and walk on the cool sand of the north coast. but i know i will not do anything so spontaneous as booking a flight for tomorrow. i will put on over the rhine, and i will go to work and come home again. i will drink too much red wine and realise i do not have a wedding to look forward to. i will work, and sleep, and graduate, and then i will see ireland and all that it means. once i get there, i will not want to stay too long; duration might change me, or change it, and i'm not sure about the future.
what a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be...Lord knows, we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy...and i use these words pretty loosely...there's so much more to life than words...there is a me you would not recognise there...call it the shadow of myself...and if the music starts before i get there...dance without me...you dance so gracefully...
(a nice day for a white wedding)
yesterday was the longest day of the year. midsummer. continuous suunshine. a roadtrip, a wedding, and a ceildh. i have already begun to edit it in my head; an early start with ode to norma jean. getting lost, and found, and stuck in traffic and sunburn through the car window. journey. and then, in the blazing sunshine in the english countryside, being involved in the marriage of two friends. and it was lovely and amazing and beautiful. worth the morning's stress, to see andy and jennie declare the seriousness of their love, and the strength of conviction in the vows.
til death do us part. amy and i were bowled over by this...the hugeness of getting married...lifelong. joy-full. wondrously blessed. and so yesterday was. we hung out in cirencester and danced like lunatics at the ceildh. i went outside to get some painkillers and some air, and prayed. breathed. watched the clouds. realised that God made me as He made the clouds. shaped by a divine hand. and God sent adrian, and we talked about families and interaction. plans. life, age, the future. realised that someday takes you unawares: be ready. yesterday.
we drove home on country roads and motorways. talked about the day. enjoyed the moments. the joy. felt the love at the happy occasion. and when we got home, yesterday, i had an epiphany. i do not look bad in photgraphs. this is an amazing discovery for me to make. a final blessing.
Christ the sun of righteousness shine upon you
gladden your hearts
and scatter the darkness from before you...
yesterday was the longest day, in more ways than one. but it was a great day for a wedding, and a marriage, and a party.
yesterday was the longest day of the year. midsummer. continuous suunshine. a roadtrip, a wedding, and a ceildh. i have already begun to edit it in my head; an early start with ode to norma jean. getting lost, and found, and stuck in traffic and sunburn through the car window. journey. and then, in the blazing sunshine in the english countryside, being involved in the marriage of two friends. and it was lovely and amazing and beautiful. worth the morning's stress, to see andy and jennie declare the seriousness of their love, and the strength of conviction in the vows.
til death do us part. amy and i were bowled over by this...the hugeness of getting married...lifelong. joy-full. wondrously blessed. and so yesterday was. we hung out in cirencester and danced like lunatics at the ceildh. i went outside to get some painkillers and some air, and prayed. breathed. watched the clouds. realised that God made me as He made the clouds. shaped by a divine hand. and God sent adrian, and we talked about families and interaction. plans. life, age, the future. realised that someday takes you unawares: be ready. yesterday.
we drove home on country roads and motorways. talked about the day. enjoyed the moments. the joy. felt the love at the happy occasion. and when we got home, yesterday, i had an epiphany. i do not look bad in photgraphs. this is an amazing discovery for me to make. a final blessing.
Christ the sun of righteousness shine upon you
gladden your hearts
and scatter the darkness from before you...
yesterday was the longest day, in more ways than one. but it was a great day for a wedding, and a marriage, and a party.
Friday, June 20, 2003
(music makes the day go faster)
...and the weekend is here, coming swiftly on the heels of the last. my music is so loud i can feel it reverberate in my chest. sweet decompression. the last few months have been filled to overflowing with pastoring and essays and friends and finals; dissertations and busyness, and america. and now, a j.o.b...somehow the days and weeks are rushing past, and there is nothing i can do to stop them, even if i wanted to. still. i catch glimpses of myself in the mirror; i always look tired, these days. in ten days it will be july, and in eighteen days i shall graduate. there was a time when it seemed a time long distant. but it is here. summer. weddings. graduations. etcetera whatever i guess all i really mean is...
what do i mean?
my fairylights catch and sparkle in the wine to my right; a reminder of my mum being here, walking with me to the bridge and watching the last of the light fading from the sky. seeing me as i am, here, without any of the boundaries of home. laughter and friendship and love. i will miss this space.
...and the weekend is here, coming swiftly on the heels of the last. my music is so loud i can feel it reverberate in my chest. sweet decompression. the last few months have been filled to overflowing with pastoring and essays and friends and finals; dissertations and busyness, and america. and now, a j.o.b...somehow the days and weeks are rushing past, and there is nothing i can do to stop them, even if i wanted to. still. i catch glimpses of myself in the mirror; i always look tired, these days. in ten days it will be july, and in eighteen days i shall graduate. there was a time when it seemed a time long distant. but it is here. summer. weddings. graduations. etcetera whatever i guess all i really mean is...
what do i mean?
my fairylights catch and sparkle in the wine to my right; a reminder of my mum being here, walking with me to the bridge and watching the last of the light fading from the sky. seeing me as i am, here, without any of the boundaries of home. laughter and friendship and love. i will miss this space.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
(where are you tonight?)
of late, i have been thinking in blogs. this post started to form in my head while i was eating dinner; i could not resist pinning down the butterfly thoughts somehow, even though i said yesterday i might take a break. my journal has suffered for this blog. my conversations have been affected. nothing is safe around me; it may end up here someday. in a way, i guess it's like speaking another language: if you are a translator, it's a matter of time before you begin to translate everything into that language. nothing is sacred; breakfast cereal, book titles, songs. especially songs. seeing everything in some sort of code. seeing life as stories to be told, as anecdotes to deliver, a constant stream of information and images that you can't turn off. so it is with blogging. blogging and me. constant. instant. memorable, but fading even as the next post happens along. so. this is what i mean by a little contrived. unsure why i started this in the first place...
(a deeper magic from before the dawn of time)
and so life begins online...as an artwork...a testament to the everyday...a reminder that there is life beyond me, and beyond you...in "the lion the witch and the wardrobe" c s lewis called it "a deeper magic from before the dawn of time"...and it is amazing.
apparently in my world, everyday means each and every day, no exceptions...i'm going to work on that. still. i am thinking about annie's gospel of moments. how lately, life seems to be fragments linking together in some kind of pattern. yet all i can see are the fragments...with no rhythm or reason. maybe it will make sense someday...but i'm not sure i'll be satisfied with that.
i am listening to the dirty dancing soundtrack. i completely refuse to make any kind of apology for this. take my word for it: if you want to understand a little of the female psyche, watch, absorb, learn. it's classic everything. it's feel-good and nostalgia and romance, all in two hours. and patrick swayze sings. what more could you want?!
we play dress up in our wedding outfits; saturday is almost here, and i have linen to iron.
of late, i have been thinking in blogs. this post started to form in my head while i was eating dinner; i could not resist pinning down the butterfly thoughts somehow, even though i said yesterday i might take a break. my journal has suffered for this blog. my conversations have been affected. nothing is safe around me; it may end up here someday. in a way, i guess it's like speaking another language: if you are a translator, it's a matter of time before you begin to translate everything into that language. nothing is sacred; breakfast cereal, book titles, songs. especially songs. seeing everything in some sort of code. seeing life as stories to be told, as anecdotes to deliver, a constant stream of information and images that you can't turn off. so it is with blogging. blogging and me. constant. instant. memorable, but fading even as the next post happens along. so. this is what i mean by a little contrived. unsure why i started this in the first place...
(a deeper magic from before the dawn of time)
and so life begins online...as an artwork...a testament to the everyday...a reminder that there is life beyond me, and beyond you...in "the lion the witch and the wardrobe" c s lewis called it "a deeper magic from before the dawn of time"...and it is amazing.
apparently in my world, everyday means each and every day, no exceptions...i'm going to work on that. still. i am thinking about annie's gospel of moments. how lately, life seems to be fragments linking together in some kind of pattern. yet all i can see are the fragments...with no rhythm or reason. maybe it will make sense someday...but i'm not sure i'll be satisfied with that.
i am listening to the dirty dancing soundtrack. i completely refuse to make any kind of apology for this. take my word for it: if you want to understand a little of the female psyche, watch, absorb, learn. it's classic everything. it's feel-good and nostalgia and romance, all in two hours. and patrick swayze sings. what more could you want?!
we play dress up in our wedding outfits; saturday is almost here, and i have linen to iron.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
(randoms)
academics talk about tv in their lunchbreaks. for real. the dominant show was 24; of course there were big words and competing over who could use most of them...and apparently kim is the white tshirt baywatch element of the show. csi also got a mention, and law and order. i noted with glee that that's a lot of channel five. academics watch tv! and bad tv at that! although they thought 24 was formulaic; hey, i thought, we get to see kiefer sutherland save the world, not pee or eat or drink or ever run out battery on his mobile phone. again. it's not supposed to be realistic. and anyway, you're academics. aren't you supposed to be talking about what is real, and y'know, are we essentially anything?
it was all i could do not to chip in and offer my humble opinion. brianne and i bit our lips and carried on reading our books like we weren't really eavesdropping.
and after work, we watched neighbours in the bar, with southern comfort and tired feet. i thought of all the things i need to do before i graduate; i'm not sure how exactly it's all going to happen...we're leaving and it's final. until september when i move here all over again. i'm not really sure what i'm doing; i'm not thinking about it much, and i'm trusting that the good Lord has a plan. i think i'm going to need it.
i may take a break from this for a while...i'm feeling a little contrived and somewhat exhausted; as the white stripes sing in the background
i don't quite know what to do with myself.
maybe it's just today...maybe it's more than that. who knows. i have been feeling inclined to post even when i have nothing to say, and i need to think some more.
academics talk about tv in their lunchbreaks. for real. the dominant show was 24; of course there were big words and competing over who could use most of them...and apparently kim is the white tshirt baywatch element of the show. csi also got a mention, and law and order. i noted with glee that that's a lot of channel five. academics watch tv! and bad tv at that! although they thought 24 was formulaic; hey, i thought, we get to see kiefer sutherland save the world, not pee or eat or drink or ever run out battery on his mobile phone. again. it's not supposed to be realistic. and anyway, you're academics. aren't you supposed to be talking about what is real, and y'know, are we essentially anything?
it was all i could do not to chip in and offer my humble opinion. brianne and i bit our lips and carried on reading our books like we weren't really eavesdropping.
and after work, we watched neighbours in the bar, with southern comfort and tired feet. i thought of all the things i need to do before i graduate; i'm not sure how exactly it's all going to happen...we're leaving and it's final. until september when i move here all over again. i'm not really sure what i'm doing; i'm not thinking about it much, and i'm trusting that the good Lord has a plan. i think i'm going to need it.
i may take a break from this for a while...i'm feeling a little contrived and somewhat exhausted; as the white stripes sing in the background
i don't quite know what to do with myself.
maybe it's just today...maybe it's more than that. who knows. i have been feeling inclined to post even when i have nothing to say, and i need to think some more.
Monday, June 16, 2003
(hello is it me you're looking for?)
brianne just typed the above while simultaneously restraining me from getting to the keyboard; i have no idea how she managed it but she won the streetfighter 2003 award, you know. i tend to not argue with her much these days. she is at present lamenting a run in with the wall and the floor...lammie thought andy was tackling her, and andy thought i was throwing her out of the flat; none of us saw what happened but i can guess...chuckles abounding.
hope you feel better soon, m'love. kiss kiss.
all this at the end of a hilarious day...i never want to see another certificate or an envelope again...or, indeed, a photocopier that mangles the pages and chokes on staples (well i missed one or two...and then the machine started making whining noises and stopped...aaaargh) and worst of all, sucks pages in so they get stuck down the back...big staples are good for something, it has to be said. especially reaching down behind said photocopier to retrieve sheet. tsk.
still. we went driving with norma jean as the sun set in a dusky sky. a perfect summer evening, after this long monday. we listened to some great driving music and found ben and jerry at tesco.
times like this i am glad to be here.
brianne just typed the above while simultaneously restraining me from getting to the keyboard; i have no idea how she managed it but she won the streetfighter 2003 award, you know. i tend to not argue with her much these days. she is at present lamenting a run in with the wall and the floor...lammie thought andy was tackling her, and andy thought i was throwing her out of the flat; none of us saw what happened but i can guess...chuckles abounding.
hope you feel better soon, m'love. kiss kiss.
all this at the end of a hilarious day...i never want to see another certificate or an envelope again...or, indeed, a photocopier that mangles the pages and chokes on staples (well i missed one or two...and then the machine started making whining noises and stopped...aaaargh) and worst of all, sucks pages in so they get stuck down the back...big staples are good for something, it has to be said. especially reaching down behind said photocopier to retrieve sheet. tsk.
still. we went driving with norma jean as the sun set in a dusky sky. a perfect summer evening, after this long monday. we listened to some great driving music and found ben and jerry at tesco.
times like this i am glad to be here.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
(ode to norma jean)
i made this mix tape for brianne today. it was about as constructive as my day got, frankly. lazy sundays rock.
wedding day rosie thomas
taxi ride tori amos
big empty stone temple pilots
fast train solomon burke
cumbia de los muertos ozomatli
a long walk jill scott
gold to me ben harper
4 white stallions counting crows
God put a smile upon your face coldplay
cars and calories saves the day
new way to be human switchfoot
miss april chantal kreviazuk
everybody needs somebody sometime jewel
us amazonians kirsty maccoll
skimming stone beth orton
the sky is broken moby
wings on my heels eddi reader
spoon dave matthews band
january rain david gray
home sarah masen
maybe when i have a second i'll link them all and let y'all in on a few secrets. if you play your cards right...
i made this mix tape for brianne today. it was about as constructive as my day got, frankly. lazy sundays rock.
wedding day rosie thomas
taxi ride tori amos
big empty stone temple pilots
fast train solomon burke
cumbia de los muertos ozomatli
a long walk jill scott
gold to me ben harper
4 white stallions counting crows
God put a smile upon your face coldplay
cars and calories saves the day
new way to be human switchfoot
miss april chantal kreviazuk
everybody needs somebody sometime jewel
us amazonians kirsty maccoll
skimming stone beth orton
the sky is broken moby
wings on my heels eddi reader
spoon dave matthews band
january rain david gray
home sarah masen
maybe when i have a second i'll link them all and let y'all in on a few secrets. if you play your cards right...
(i still believe in chasing dreams)
an uneventful weekend has passed; we were almost sucked into nantwich again, but we managed to resist...this time. here, all roads lead to nantwich and there is little hope of escape.
andy is packing up is room; brianne and lammie are at church and i have very little to say this morning. what is going on in my head will stay there; i am attempting to discern my dreams, and how to get there. strangely discerning is the hard part, although i imagine getting there won't be easy either.
what if it all means something?
an uneventful weekend has passed; we were almost sucked into nantwich again, but we managed to resist...this time. here, all roads lead to nantwich and there is little hope of escape.
andy is packing up is room; brianne and lammie are at church and i have very little to say this morning. what is going on in my head will stay there; i am attempting to discern my dreams, and how to get there. strangely discerning is the hard part, although i imagine getting there won't be easy either.
what if it all means something?
Saturday, June 14, 2003
(it's about to get very quiet in here...)
the mass exodus is taking place. chris drove away in a van this morning (what's that aboot chris?! ... too much geeky equipment methinks) as andy and jennie and i were taking the recycling to sainsburys. cars were being packed all over the place; a plethora of middle class parents in estate cars. you have to laugh. saving the planet and undoing the fabric of its existence, all in one fell swoop. still. the beginning of the end, or at least the beginning of a new beginning. i'm a little confused, and now a little nostalgic. maybe it's the tylenol (ptl for extra strength american painkillers when you have tonsilitus) or maybe the baileys icecream...maybe it's the leaving.
the mass exodus is taking place. chris drove away in a van this morning (what's that aboot chris?! ... too much geeky equipment methinks) as andy and jennie and i were taking the recycling to sainsburys. cars were being packed all over the place; a plethora of middle class parents in estate cars. you have to laugh. saving the planet and undoing the fabric of its existence, all in one fell swoop. still. the beginning of the end, or at least the beginning of a new beginning. i'm a little confused, and now a little nostalgic. maybe it's the tylenol (ptl for extra strength american painkillers when you have tonsilitus) or maybe the baileys icecream...maybe it's the leaving.
Friday, June 13, 2003
(sticky labels are not your friend)
...especially when they crease in just the wrong place and you cannot peel them off and re-stick them, no matter how hard you try...
so. it is friday; payday (thankyou Lord) and the weekend...campus is quieter now, with the funfair gone and cars leaving by the hour, filled to the brim with kettles and toastie makers and computers and the ubiquitous duvet casually thrown over the top. at this time of year, my mum and me usually drive home via sunderland with the car packed full of my stuff...and on the way, we play spot the.......student; it's fun to guess which cars are and which are not. usually the lava lamp pressed up against the sunroof and the abundant duvet give the game away pretty quickly. this year will be different, with a job and a graduation and a leaving-for-thelast-time. and next weekend, andy's wedding; i can't wait to be there. i know i'll be back though, so i am not as sad as many are; God and a masters and who-knows-what in the future will keep bringing me back.
i'm excited...
...especially when they crease in just the wrong place and you cannot peel them off and re-stick them, no matter how hard you try...
so. it is friday; payday (thankyou Lord) and the weekend...campus is quieter now, with the funfair gone and cars leaving by the hour, filled to the brim with kettles and toastie makers and computers and the ubiquitous duvet casually thrown over the top. at this time of year, my mum and me usually drive home via sunderland with the car packed full of my stuff...and on the way, we play spot the.......student; it's fun to guess which cars are and which are not. usually the lava lamp pressed up against the sunroof and the abundant duvet give the game away pretty quickly. this year will be different, with a job and a graduation and a leaving-for-thelast-time. and next weekend, andy's wedding; i can't wait to be there. i know i'll be back though, so i am not as sad as many are; God and a masters and who-knows-what in the future will keep bringing me back.
i'm excited...
Thursday, June 12, 2003
(an eagle in your mind)
and so the long wait is over. there is joy, and relief, and a little sadness. it's final. and among the merriment and the rejoicing, i wonder if will we remember that our degrees do not define who we are; definition comes from Him who is a marvel beyond us.
*my heart is steadfast, o God, my heart is steadfast. i will sing and make music...i will praise you o Lord among all the nations...i will sing of You among the peoples, for great is Your love, reaching to the heavens,Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. be exalted o God, above the heavens, let Your glory be over all the earth...*
and now the smell of martini from brianne's glass is prompting me toward a beverage. i have celebratory phonecalls to make.
and so the long wait is over. there is joy, and relief, and a little sadness. it's final. and among the merriment and the rejoicing, i wonder if will we remember that our degrees do not define who we are; definition comes from Him who is a marvel beyond us.
*my heart is steadfast, o God, my heart is steadfast. i will sing and make music...i will praise you o Lord among all the nations...i will sing of You among the peoples, for great is Your love, reaching to the heavens,Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. be exalted o God, above the heavens, let Your glory be over all the earth...*
and now the smell of martini from brianne's glass is prompting me toward a beverage. i have celebratory phonecalls to make.
(the radio)
a quick trawl of the radio stations reveals a distracted nation; bad pop music blares and covers many things. the news is brief; we do not like dwelling on others or on their daily bread.
a quick trawl of the radio stations reveals a distracted nation; bad pop music blares and covers many things. the news is brief; we do not like dwelling on others or on their daily bread.
(cup and saucering; or, the kennedy experience)
tonight we stayed outside til way past dark; after the cu barbecue brianne felt like watching the stars come out. sadly it was a cloudy evening but i'm glad we lay outside anyway...if we'd been in america we'd have been sitting on the porch drinking in the sweetest decline (or, watching our neighbourhood). we found a spot close to the onion family planted so long ago, however, and settled down to watch the huge expanse of sky. i found letters in the clouds, and i managed not to alphabetise them. the sky was a delicate pattern stretched over the fields and roads and houses that make up keele. the light behind the clouds made them a little luminous; we lit rachel's lantern and kept close for warmth. i watched the bats circle for a while...rachel and brianne talked of the future, and of houses...i was content to listen and to think. it is difficult not to demand answers from God; something tells me we only hear them in His sweet time. because i am a now person i find waiting the hardest. now people do not like waiting. now people wish for things yesterday. still, i cannot make God be faster, nor do i want to. i want to learn to wait.
and now, inside again, i listen to the kennedy experience. for the record (do you see what i did there) i kinda like it. but let me have a few more listens first, and then i may write more if i have the time and the inclination. it is unavoidable to be thinking of the future; i'm leaning over an edge and i'm a little afraid to let go. i know He will catch me, and i know i'm not falling anywhere...but sometimes, like now, i wonder where i'm headed.
tonight we stayed outside til way past dark; after the cu barbecue brianne felt like watching the stars come out. sadly it was a cloudy evening but i'm glad we lay outside anyway...if we'd been in america we'd have been sitting on the porch drinking in the sweetest decline (or, watching our neighbourhood). we found a spot close to the onion family planted so long ago, however, and settled down to watch the huge expanse of sky. i found letters in the clouds, and i managed not to alphabetise them. the sky was a delicate pattern stretched over the fields and roads and houses that make up keele. the light behind the clouds made them a little luminous; we lit rachel's lantern and kept close for warmth. i watched the bats circle for a while...rachel and brianne talked of the future, and of houses...i was content to listen and to think. it is difficult not to demand answers from God; something tells me we only hear them in His sweet time. because i am a now person i find waiting the hardest. now people do not like waiting. now people wish for things yesterday. still, i cannot make God be faster, nor do i want to. i want to learn to wait.
and now, inside again, i listen to the kennedy experience. for the record (do you see what i did there) i kinda like it. but let me have a few more listens first, and then i may write more if i have the time and the inclination. it is unavoidable to be thinking of the future; i'm leaning over an edge and i'm a little afraid to let go. i know He will catch me, and i know i'm not falling anywhere...but sometimes, like now, i wonder where i'm headed.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
(to be opened by addressee only)
so i'm fed up to the back teeth with spam and junkmail. no, i do not want to see your webcam or get an easy mortgage, or obtain any herbal ointments, nor do i want to meet hot chicks. and yes, i do want to permanently delete the messages in this folder.
justin timberlake is on the radio, and i miss my sister suddenly; i wish she was here to remind me of chris martin kidding around when coldplay were playing at some awards show ...here to get my film references
i'm not angry. i'm annoyed
and to make me laugh at geeky things...it's from ten things i hate about you, in case you were wondering. and i hope you got that first time, chris.
today, i was working with fadzai; i learned a lot about zimbabwe today (did you know the sun is actually bigger in the sky there?), but the thing that will stick with me the most is fadzai's ability to say absolutely outrageous things in the most demure and laid back of ways - you get away with it every time. fantastic.
the stereophonics are on the radio, and i am carried away on memories.
so i'm fed up to the back teeth with spam and junkmail. no, i do not want to see your webcam or get an easy mortgage, or obtain any herbal ointments, nor do i want to meet hot chicks. and yes, i do want to permanently delete the messages in this folder.
justin timberlake is on the radio, and i miss my sister suddenly; i wish she was here to remind me of chris martin kidding around when coldplay were playing at some awards show ...here to get my film references
i'm not angry. i'm annoyed
and to make me laugh at geeky things...it's from ten things i hate about you, in case you were wondering. and i hope you got that first time, chris.
today, i was working with fadzai; i learned a lot about zimbabwe today (did you know the sun is actually bigger in the sky there?), but the thing that will stick with me the most is fadzai's ability to say absolutely outrageous things in the most demure and laid back of ways - you get away with it every time. fantastic.
the stereophonics are on the radio, and i am carried away on memories.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
(the long day is over)
and what a clumsy day it has been. although technically i believe it started yesterday when i spilled four fifths of a bottle of diet coke over my feet and some files. o how brianne laughed, yet she also dropped her cappuccino on the floor at lunchtime today. to crown everything, because really we don't ever do anything by halves, i dropped the prawns destined for the sweet and sour in the sink full of dirty dishes. still, i think amy wins blonde of the day by asking two different people to buy her a ticket for the summer party and wondering how she ended up with both tickets.
i wonder, sometimes, how any of us have made it this far.
i think it's called the grace of God.
and so i begin and end today by praising God; sunshine and work and the joy of faith rewarded. i do not have a viva. and st augustine is once again proved right beyond measure:
faith is believing what you do not see. the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
and all i can say is praise God and amen
and what a clumsy day it has been. although technically i believe it started yesterday when i spilled four fifths of a bottle of diet coke over my feet and some files. o how brianne laughed, yet she also dropped her cappuccino on the floor at lunchtime today. to crown everything, because really we don't ever do anything by halves, i dropped the prawns destined for the sweet and sour in the sink full of dirty dishes. still, i think amy wins blonde of the day by asking two different people to buy her a ticket for the summer party and wondering how she ended up with both tickets.
i wonder, sometimes, how any of us have made it this far.
i think it's called the grace of God.
and so i begin and end today by praising God; sunshine and work and the joy of faith rewarded. i do not have a viva. and st augustine is once again proved right beyond measure:
faith is believing what you do not see. the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
and all i can say is praise God and amen
Monday, June 09, 2003
(i do not like country music)
i would just like to make this clear:
i do not like country music.
but no offence to country fans and artistes.
i would just like to make this clear:
i do not like country music.
but no offence to country fans and artistes.
Sunday, June 08, 2003
(sounds)
the [by-no-means-definitive-but-frequently-updated-because-i-just-heard-a-great-track-on-the-radio] soundtrack to my life:
OPENING CREDITS: starry eyed surprise [oakenfold] which would then fade into the diagetic music of the...
...WAKING UP SCENE: everyday [dave matthews band] that is playing on the stereo in my bedroom
CAR DRIVING SCENES: concrete sky [beth orton] and seven nation army [white stripes]
HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACK SCENE: just looking [stereophonics] and girl from mars [ash]
NOSTALGIC SCENES: two dollar shoes [rosie thomas]
BITTER/ANGER SCENES: bring me to life [evanescence]
MAD AT FRIENDS SCENES: tea and sympathy [jars of clay]
BREAKUP SCENES: snow [grey eye glances]
REGRET SCENE: anna begins [counting crows]
NIGHTCLUB/BAR SCENES: oh le le [ozomatli] ... or i just want to love you [justin timberlake]
FIGHT/ACTION SCENES: kick ass angels [] or possibly smack ma b*tch up [prodigy]
SAD/BREAKDOWN SCENES: last dance [sarah maclachlan] and save me [aimee mann]
SCARY SCENES: sympathetic character [alanis morissette]
DEATH SCENES: october [rosie thomas]
FUNERAL SCENES: hallelujah [jeff buckley] and canaan's land [kate rusby]
CHEER UP SCENES: the dirty dancing soundtrack. enough said. or maybe britney singing i love rock and roll...
MELLOW SCENES: eagle in your mind [boards of canada]
DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE SCENES: oceans deep [julie lee] or the nearness of you [norah jones]
FALLING IN LOVE SCENE: have you seen my love [rosie thomas] followed by moon on your pajamas [paul weller]
SEX SCENES: would there be any!? um...ludovico einaudi i think, or maybe norah jones...and then there would be a tasteful cut to a sunrise or something equally prosaic; we're married by this time, i hasten to add...
PONDER/CONTEMPLATION SCENES: japanese to english [red house painters] or maybe take it all away [puddle of mudd]
CHASE/HURRY SCENES: space between [dave matthews band]
HAPPY LOVE SCENES: drinking in l a [bran van 3000] and rose rouge [st germain] and this is the air i breathe. choon.
HAPPY FRIENDS SCENES: radio luxembourg [van morrison]
CLOSING CREDITS: one, i love [brian kennedy]
i saw this on caroline's blog, which y'all should check out (she's very bored)...apparently there are too many girl-music-of-a-country-persuasion songs, but chris is a fascist in his own way.
just out of interest, what would you choose?
the [by-no-means-definitive-but-frequently-updated-because-i-just-heard-a-great-track-on-the-radio] soundtrack to my life:
OPENING CREDITS: starry eyed surprise [oakenfold] which would then fade into the diagetic music of the...
...WAKING UP SCENE: everyday [dave matthews band] that is playing on the stereo in my bedroom
CAR DRIVING SCENES: concrete sky [beth orton] and seven nation army [white stripes]
HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACK SCENE: just looking [stereophonics] and girl from mars [ash]
NOSTALGIC SCENES: two dollar shoes [rosie thomas]
BITTER/ANGER SCENES: bring me to life [evanescence]
MAD AT FRIENDS SCENES: tea and sympathy [jars of clay]
BREAKUP SCENES: snow [grey eye glances]
REGRET SCENE: anna begins [counting crows]
NIGHTCLUB/BAR SCENES: oh le le [ozomatli] ... or i just want to love you [justin timberlake]
FIGHT/ACTION SCENES: kick ass angels [] or possibly smack ma b*tch up [prodigy]
SAD/BREAKDOWN SCENES: last dance [sarah maclachlan] and save me [aimee mann]
SCARY SCENES: sympathetic character [alanis morissette]
DEATH SCENES: october [rosie thomas]
FUNERAL SCENES: hallelujah [jeff buckley] and canaan's land [kate rusby]
CHEER UP SCENES: the dirty dancing soundtrack. enough said. or maybe britney singing i love rock and roll...
MELLOW SCENES: eagle in your mind [boards of canada]
DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE SCENES: oceans deep [julie lee] or the nearness of you [norah jones]
FALLING IN LOVE SCENE: have you seen my love [rosie thomas] followed by moon on your pajamas [paul weller]
SEX SCENES: would there be any!? um...ludovico einaudi i think, or maybe norah jones...and then there would be a tasteful cut to a sunrise or something equally prosaic; we're married by this time, i hasten to add...
PONDER/CONTEMPLATION SCENES: japanese to english [red house painters] or maybe take it all away [puddle of mudd]
CHASE/HURRY SCENES: space between [dave matthews band]
HAPPY LOVE SCENES: drinking in l a [bran van 3000] and rose rouge [st germain] and this is the air i breathe. choon.
HAPPY FRIENDS SCENES: radio luxembourg [van morrison]
CLOSING CREDITS: one, i love [brian kennedy]
i saw this on caroline's blog, which y'all should check out (she's very bored)...apparently there are too many girl-music-of-a-country-persuasion songs, but chris is a fascist in his own way.
just out of interest, what would you choose?
Saturday, June 07, 2003
(bicycle tricycle)
it is saturday morning. i am wondering what to do today while listening to rosie thomas and ignoring my coffee. it is cold now anyway and i'm not going to finish it.
there is something i am missing today. perhaps a longing for how we used to be, a longing for the easy rose-tinted past. but i am striving to be happy in the present; i think i'll sing awhile.
it is saturday morning. i am wondering what to do today while listening to rosie thomas and ignoring my coffee. it is cold now anyway and i'm not going to finish it.
there is something i am missing today. perhaps a longing for how we used to be, a longing for the easy rose-tinted past. but i am striving to be happy in the present; i think i'll sing awhile.
(two oh two)
i have just noticed; two hundred and two visitors.
welcome.
i have just noticed; two hundred and two visitors.
welcome.
(here we are now entertain us)
i was transfixed by the video screen.
know
real
it might have been fate
subliminal messages. dancing crowds. shoes sticking to a messy floor. men always watching at a distance. i am reminded in thousands of ways; God defines my life. i talked with lammie earlier; past and present mingled and we looked toward a bright future.
how you feel matters.
i was transfixed by the video screen.
know
real
it might have been fate
subliminal messages. dancing crowds. shoes sticking to a messy floor. men always watching at a distance. i am reminded in thousands of ways; God defines my life. i talked with lammie earlier; past and present mingled and we looked toward a bright future.
how you feel matters.
Thursday, June 05, 2003
(there is a day)
at cedar ridge, we got mugs in our welcome packs. i can't say i was surprised; this was america, after all. and america at it's most affluent - virginia is one of the richest areas in the states, i think. but don't quote me on that. i met brian mcclaren (he writes books) and i felt thoroughly welcomed (even though people kept asking me if i loved U2). just cause "you're from ayerland".
however. where would any of us be without God's mercy? so. cedar ridge. there was a fridge magnet in there too; i was looking for a pen but they don't give those out, it seems. pens and mercy. relationship and coffee mugs. community and affluence. i wonder what church is, and what it should be; do welcome packs and PhD's really matter?
God's people in the post-modern age...we're a strange bunch.
at cedar ridge, we got mugs in our welcome packs. i can't say i was surprised; this was america, after all. and america at it's most affluent - virginia is one of the richest areas in the states, i think. but don't quote me on that. i met brian mcclaren (he writes books) and i felt thoroughly welcomed (even though people kept asking me if i loved U2). just cause "you're from ayerland".
however. where would any of us be without God's mercy? so. cedar ridge. there was a fridge magnet in there too; i was looking for a pen but they don't give those out, it seems. pens and mercy. relationship and coffee mugs. community and affluence. i wonder what church is, and what it should be; do welcome packs and PhD's really matter?
God's people in the post-modern age...we're a strange bunch.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
(drinking mint juleps in the shade)
a few nights ago i dreamed that john peel was trying to cut my hair. i have no idea either, but i think jo whiley was there, trying to make sure he didn't make me bald. it was surreal; but you know who john peel is, right?
there was a mother-ass spider in the bathroom a few moments ago. when i opened my eyes it was gone, and i'm too scared to look for it. it was tropical sized; i'm on my own in the flat and now i'm panicking. what if it's still there when i go to have a bath tomorrow? what if it sees me, and pounces? i put nothing past spiders. especially tropical sized ones. i think the rain must have driven inside; although, when you think about it, a bathroom is a strange place for a spider to hang out.
i'm going to be quiet now, and persuade myself not to pray for God to take all the spiders away.
they are God's creatures. they are God's creatures. they are...
where o where are brianne and andy when i need them?
a few nights ago i dreamed that john peel was trying to cut my hair. i have no idea either, but i think jo whiley was there, trying to make sure he didn't make me bald. it was surreal; but you know who john peel is, right?
there was a mother-ass spider in the bathroom a few moments ago. when i opened my eyes it was gone, and i'm too scared to look for it. it was tropical sized; i'm on my own in the flat and now i'm panicking. what if it's still there when i go to have a bath tomorrow? what if it sees me, and pounces? i put nothing past spiders. especially tropical sized ones. i think the rain must have driven inside; although, when you think about it, a bathroom is a strange place for a spider to hang out.
i'm going to be quiet now, and persuade myself not to pray for God to take all the spiders away.
they are God's creatures. they are God's creatures. they are...
where o where are brianne and andy when i need them?
(the sound of summer rain)
walking home from work in the summer rain and i wondered...whether i will always be this tired. what results day will bring. what to eat today. when the sun will shine. whether i will always be afraid of spiders (bri reckons i'll get over it when i have to (ie when i have children and they are more afraid than i am). i am dubious about this; ergo i run from the creatures shrieking "andy, andy get rid of it" or i tug at bri's sleeve with wide, staring eyes and no breath in my lungs silently pleading her to move it.
i pondered life and death and marvelled at the bigger picture. God is bigger than anything i can imagine. and yet the bizarre part is that He knows my name and made me the way i am on purpose. like you, i have trouble believing this some days. other days, it makes more sense than i could hope for. still. i shall marvel and watch, and continually praise God.
p t l
walking home from work in the summer rain and i wondered...whether i will always be this tired. what results day will bring. what to eat today. when the sun will shine. whether i will always be afraid of spiders (bri reckons i'll get over it when i have to (ie when i have children and they are more afraid than i am). i am dubious about this; ergo i run from the creatures shrieking "andy, andy get rid of it" or i tug at bri's sleeve with wide, staring eyes and no breath in my lungs silently pleading her to move it.
i pondered life and death and marvelled at the bigger picture. God is bigger than anything i can imagine. and yet the bizarre part is that He knows my name and made me the way i am on purpose. like you, i have trouble believing this some days. other days, it makes more sense than i could hope for. still. i shall marvel and watch, and continually praise God.
p t l
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
(sometimes God knows...you got to learn to shine)
i'm not sure what i want to say today. if in fact, i intend to say anything. at the ball last night i realised what an amazing three years i've had, and how many amazing people i've met along the way. and i am annoyed with myself for seeing life as a series of endings and beginnings, a disjointed puzzle that i don't fully understand, even though i'm giving myself a cracking headache while trying. some days i find it hard to see the continuity.
the exec gave me a certificate last night: for contribution to the CU with special thanks for the greatest use of the three letters p t l. i blame staiano but it's a pretty cool thing to be awarded for: the praise of God.
i will miss this, but i am excited about the future. excited about promises made and promises to be kept. plans to prosper. excited about growth, and stretching and wondering why i thought it was such a distance in the first place.
and once more, for the record; i defy even baz to not smile when i say...
PTL.
solomon burke grooves on my stereo, and i am going to drink chai tea. how are you today?
i'm not sure what i want to say today. if in fact, i intend to say anything. at the ball last night i realised what an amazing three years i've had, and how many amazing people i've met along the way. and i am annoyed with myself for seeing life as a series of endings and beginnings, a disjointed puzzle that i don't fully understand, even though i'm giving myself a cracking headache while trying. some days i find it hard to see the continuity.
the exec gave me a certificate last night: for contribution to the CU with special thanks for the greatest use of the three letters p t l. i blame staiano but it's a pretty cool thing to be awarded for: the praise of God.
i will miss this, but i am excited about the future. excited about promises made and promises to be kept. plans to prosper. excited about growth, and stretching and wondering why i thought it was such a distance in the first place.
and once more, for the record; i defy even baz to not smile when i say...
PTL.
solomon burke grooves on my stereo, and i am going to drink chai tea. how are you today?
Monday, June 02, 2003
(working nine to five...)
so, i have survived my first day working nine to five. and now, a pause after a hectic weekend and a busy day; today hurtles on to the christian union ball tonight and sunshine outside. ozomatli plays on the stereo, and rachel makes soup.
i discovered i had a methodical side to my brain, one which loves organising and storing. you wouldn't think it, to look at my room or the stained cardigan i absent-mindedly put on this morning. still. here's to filing, photocopying, and getting paid.
mwah.
so, i have survived my first day working nine to five. and now, a pause after a hectic weekend and a busy day; today hurtles on to the christian union ball tonight and sunshine outside. ozomatli plays on the stereo, and rachel makes soup.
i discovered i had a methodical side to my brain, one which loves organising and storing. you wouldn't think it, to look at my room or the stained cardigan i absent-mindedly put on this morning. still. here's to filing, photocopying, and getting paid.
mwah.
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